101 Really Bad Dates:

For your own personalized copy, click link above!!!!!

       These stories are based on true events and the charactors are real. However, I have changed the names and censored or defiled the photos of these dates with the help of my kindergartener friend's amazing artwork to conceal their identity.....(I may or may not have offered the kindergartener some free candy and a ride in my "Magical Space Van" in the process).  My own identity is poorly concealed by either: A) costume, B) Shabby chicken scratch drawings, or C) Your mom.

         If you feel as though you might have been one of my bad dates; submit your name and proof that you were in fact the really bad date that the story is based on, and I will personally send you a thank you card and a cookie.

Remember to include the title of the story that you wish to purchase, and any personal message you would like to have inscribed. 

*These stories are dedicated to the Kindergartener artist's Mom and Grandma.

 The D'Archangel Archives:

Click on Links 

J-Blood (Let the Mischeif begin/ Club "Hell")

https://www.d-archangel.com/news/j-blood/

Chica (Broken hearts and broken bones)

https://www.d-archangel.com/news/chica/

Lenna (Earning My wings and learning to fly)  

https://www.d-archangel.com/news/lenna/

The Purpose?

101 really bad dates is a book that I have written on my own free will, in the small amount of free time that I actually get in between really bad dates. These stories unfortunately were all written without the promise of money, sex, or copious amounts of cocaine or free beer... Therefore I am forced to give a shit about your opinion of them. So please leave any feedback in my guestbook. 

In the long run, I would like to see my really  bad dates turn into a really bad sitcom, not just for my own financial benefit, but also for the benefit of the general population of single people who are cursed in love and find themselves putting their heart and soul into finding their one true love and end up getting robbed, shot at, beaten and/ or savagely bitten, raped(even if somewhat willingly), Ruffied, arrested....etc....etc...instead.

     I have a full time job, I am a self-proclaimed slum-lord, and I have an extremely active social life....so I don't really put a lot of time into editing or spell check. If you are a spellcheck or grammar nazi please feel free to unfuck yourself and find something else to do with your time.  As a disclaimer: These stories are not recommended for children, femenists, or people with weak stomachs....in fact, they aren't really recommended for anyone at all. However, I assure you that after reading just one story... at least one of the amazing things on this list will happen to you....

1. You will grow more chest hair.

2. You will grow a beard....an awesome beard

3. Meat Only Diet.

4.  own a pet that only eats meat

5. You’re taking a job at the lumber mill....for fun

6. Your car now carries five kegs.

7. Penis enlargement or vagina enlargement

8. Catch more fish.

9. Wire bristled toothbrush.

10. Sex in the yard.

11. Sex in the garage.

12. All male offspring.

13. Chiseled jaw line.

14. Not giving a damn.

15. Flesh turning to steel.

16. Higher salary

17. Promotions.

18. Better looking wives.

19. Better looking mistresses.

20. More golfing

21. More killing stuff that you can eat, which leads to:

22. More dead animals in the KITCHEN freezer.

23. More tools in your garage.

24. Bigger....better TV

25. Wife takes out the trash

26. Four Wheel Drive

27. Wife brings trash can in from road.

28. Wife stops bitching about clothes on floor.

29. Wife stocks fridge with beer

30. become drinking buddies with Chuck Norris.

31. Farts no longer smell like farts, but instead: Fresh beef jerky

32. Steaks for dinner.

33. Win the Lottery.

34. Kegerator next to your 8 person hot tub.

35. Co-ed Jello wrestling

36. Building stuff out of stone.

37. Riding Lawn Mower.

38. Bon Fires in your cul-de-sac.

39. Bar Fights....that you actually win

40. Wife picks you up from Thee Gentlemen’s Club.

41. Craftsman Tools/ or Milwaukee tools...your choice

42.A voice like James Earl Jones...or God (Your choice)

43.  Start Welding stuff.

44. Dig big holes.

45. Huge Piece of meat for breakfast

46. Produce top rated porn in your kitchen daily

47. Become a  Master of the Barbecue

48. Master every musical instrumentonly using one hand

49. Catch fish using only your tongue

50. Pick up girls using only your tongue

As an added bonus, you will just win at life.... forever.

Drink up bitches!!!